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In my experience, it is really difficult to find female divers who are independent. The husband or boyfriend brings her into the shop, saying he wants her to learn to dive. The man picks out the gear. The man assembles the gear. The man carries the gear. I seen many women who have no idea how to put a reg on their tank. My husband has even had a male customer who is using his hoseless AI computer to moniter his wife's air while her computer was hooked on her ankle! :11:

How and why does this happen? Here are some of my observations/ theories:
-Dive gear is "mechanical" and most women tend to think that mechanics are Men's Stuff. The men continue this problem by assembling gear for women and even by doing things in the water like reaching out and inflating/ deflating the woman's BC for her and by adding and subtracting weight for her. Although women learn in class how to assemble their own gear (hopefully) they probably forget if it is always done for them after OW.
-Men want to protect their wives. We were all taught at a young age that the men are the Protectors. When women are diving, they become too protective and actually inhibit the female's independence.
-Women have a natural tendency to be more conservative than men. All extreme sports show an abundance of male participants. I guess this is an instinct we have evolved to stay alive and raise the babies; continue the human race. The men were the ones stupid enough to go chase mammoths with spears! We picked roots and berries. Anyways, this natural tendency toward conservatism is something we are trying to overcome by our participation in scuba diving.
-We don't look awesome with mask lines and snot on our lips. Lots of women don't want to be seen in a wetsuit. Well, they're just missing out, but honestly there are some women who are just too vain/ high maintenance for scuba.
-Many instructors do not encourage female independence. Often the husbands begin their overprotective, take-charge attitude in OW class and the woman never has a chance to learn to dive without him. He hovers over her, sets up her gear, and then pulls her around underwater. This is the same problem instructors have with parents and children - they need to seperate the spouses and keep them separated so the women can learn. We tried this method with a class recently and had success with the women being more independent and comfortable with their skills.

I don't think either sex is doing this purposefully, it is a cultural issue. We have been raised this way. But we need to break the mold. My husband is now going to seperate the men and women for every class until the last dive. I am seeking women to buddy up with. I am encouraging new girl divers to come out to the lake with me, without the spouses. I am thinking of setting up a Girls Only Dive Club. Would you believe, in my husband's last class, a poor girl had to ask him if she could dive with a tampon? She must have been so embarrassed! But that's something important that should be included in our dive training. Agency curriculum does not address Diving On Your Period or How To Fit Your Boobs In A BC. How can women learn to dive independently if the agencies, instructors, and diving community do not address our feminine needs?

As a woman diver I would probably fall into your co-dependent category. My husband sets up all of my gear and is more the lead during the dive. He has 30 years experience to my 2 years of experience. I am totally able to set up my own gear...but why? I will never dive without him and he enjoys taking care of those things. He also enjoys cooking...which I will never stand in his way on that either!

Its wonderful to dive with a man that is a strong capable diver that I can totally trust with my life. I know that when we are diving he is protective over me and will keep me safe.

Its not an issue of dependency...its just the way we do things and neither one of us is feeling a heavier burden because of it!

Helen

Hmmm...I guess I'm unusual!

I got into scuba diving, without the aid of a husband or boyfriend. I love the "gear" aspect of it! Of course, I like "extreme" sports...planning on taking skydiving lessons as soon as I can afford it (someday). I'm not all that into being conservative (ask anyone who's seen me drive my Miata)

I wonder if most of the women you see who are that codependent on their significant other, are only in the sport at the insistence of said significant other?
Generally, when people take a genuine interest in something, they get involved, learn about it, etc.

I know that my significant other would love for me to become involved with his hobbies, and I do, to a degree. I love to target shoot, but since scuba diving really does take all my available "hobby" money, he wound up purchasing my handgun. He's really into what I jokingly call "nerdy" hobbies such as miniature wargaming, computer games, and such...I do participate somewhat...if he tutors me on the rules, helps me out with each level, and so forth. When I tried to get him involved in scuba diving, I had to do the same thing for him (unfortunately, my efforts failed).

Had he decided to take up scuba diving, I'd have probably sherpa'd his gear for him, set up his BC and regulator, planned the dives, and had him follow me...for precisely the same reason you mentioned: I'm protective of him and don't want to see him get hurt, he's naturally a very cautious person and anything that could even be considered "extreme" isn't even on his radar, and he (bless his heart) isn't so good with mechanical stuff (I own the majority of household power tools).

When we were hunting for an instructor for him, I told him that I wasn't going to come along on his pool sessions, because I wanted him to learn how to set up his own gear and perform skills without me hovering (literally) over him.

Wow...after typing all that out...me and my significant other really have a role reversal thing going on about some stuff...cool beans.

Anyways...the woman that I've seen who genuinely love diving, take charge of their diving careers, and the ones who are tagging along due to a significant other's passion for diving, generally let their significant other take charge of things.